Make Friends - wikiHow

How to Make Friends

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

There's a certain beauty in being a lone wolf. You have more time to do things you want to do, like take introspective walks, read books, write poetry, and other solitary endeavors. If you want to diversify your options, though, there are literally billions of potential friends in the world. What's more, many of these people want to make friends just as much as you do. So consider these suggestions to meet people and form strong, lasting friendships.

Steps

1. Spend more time around people. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow. Friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home watching TV. If the people you're already around (e.g. at work or school) aren't friend material for whatever reasons, it's not the end of the world.
   
   • Join a club with people who have common interests. You don't necessarily have to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don't have much in common at all, but if you have something in common with people, it can make it a lot easier to start a conversation and plan activities together.
     
   • Use the web but get out! Websites like Copenda.com are aiming to bring people together with common interest. You can join any group or just start your own. If you don't know of a specific topic, try searching for just a location. It's a great way to meet new local people!
     
   • Join a sports team. A common misconception about this is that you have to be really good at playing a particular sport in order to make friends with others on the team, but not all teams are so competitive. As long as you enjoy the sport and support your teammates, joining a local team with a laid-back attitude could be a great way to make new friends.
     
   • Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people of all ages to meet others. By working together you build bonds with people, and you might meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you do—a common cause.
     
   
   
2. Always try and talk about stuff that they like and more about them. Get online. In general, the Internet is a great place to make friends, but... it's also easy to invest a lot of time online with someone you think of as a friend, but then you never meet because of time and distance. Expect to have to sift through a lot of people online before you find the one or two great friends, the kind who will be there for you when you really need them. The Internet can also help you find other people around the world who share your interests even if you live in an isolated place. And even though the Internet is a great place in general you still have to be cautious because not every person you meet online are who they say they are.
   
3. Talk to people. You can join a club, go to school, or go to church, and you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to talk to people, and any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on the bus, or the person in front of you on the lunch line. Don't be too picky. Most conversations will be a dead-end of sorts--when you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances--but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.
   
   • Make eye contact and smile. If you have an unfriendly countenance, people are less likely to be receptive to your friendship. Look approachable by not squinting (get some glasses), frowning or appearing blankly deadpan, such expressions may look troubled or disinterested.
     
   • Start a conversation. There are many ways to do this; a comment about your immediate environment (The weather is a classic: "At least it's not raining like last week!"), a request for help ("Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?" or "Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?") or a compliment ("That's a nice car." or "I love your shoes."). Follow up immediately with a related question: Do you like this warm weather? What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom? Where did you get shoes like that?
     
   • Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery. Even if you're complaining about something, make sure it's something you're both dissatisfied with, and emphasize the positive—how such a situation can be avoided in the future, or alternatives. Bounce a few words back and forth for a little bit.
     
   
   
4. Introduce yourself towards the end of the conversation. It can be as simple as saying "Oh, by the way, my name is...". Once you introduce yourself, the other person will typically do the same. Remember his or her name.
   
5. Initiate a get-together. You can chat your heart out but it won't get you a friend if you don't open up the opportunity for another conversation or meeting. This is especially important if you meet someone who you aren't otherwise likely to meet again. Seize the day!
   
   • If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask him or her more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them. If you clearly express interest (when? where? can anyone come?) they'll probably invite you. If you have a club, band, church, etc. that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.
     
   • Ask them out for lunch or coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other a little bit better. A good way to extend yourself is to say: "Hey, well, I've got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address." This gives the person the opportunity to contact you; they may or may not give you their information in return, but that's fine. Maybe they don't have time for new friends—don't take it personally! Just offer your contact info to whoever seems to be potentially a good friend, and eventually somebody will get in touch.
     
   • Don't do anything to pressure someone into being friends with you. Never chide acquaintances for failing to invite you to a party, for example; don't call someone repeatedly or stop by uninvited (unless you have established that stopping by unannounced is o.k.); and refrain from overstaying your welcome anywhere. In general, take friendship slowly, and don't try to force intimacy to grow quickly; the move from acquaintance to friend can take a long time. It's understandable to want more of a good thing, but try to err on the side of less. If you are not sure about the pace of your new friendship, check in with your friend and ask directly. Too much, too fast can be scary or intimidating, and not everybody is able to say "Slow down..." - instead, they may run the other way!
     
   
   
6. Be a good friend. Once you've started spending time with potential friends, remember to do your part (i.e. initiating some of the activities, remembering birthdays, asking how the other person is feeling) or else the friendship will become unbalanced and an uneasiness or distance is likely to arise.
   
   • Be reliable. If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don't be late, and do not stand them up. If you're not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule. Don't make them wait for you unexpectedly; it's rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be someone that people know that they can count on.
     
   • Be a good listener. Many people think that in order to be seen as "friend material" they have to appear very interesting. Far more important than this, however, is the ability to show that you're interested in others. Listen carefully to what people say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about their interests, and just take the time to learn more about them. You don't want to be the guy or girl that always has a better story than anyone else or that changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. These people appear too wrapped up in themselves to be good friends--"one-ups-man-ship" is a put down.
     
   • Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone to whom you can talk about anything, even secrets that you hide from the rest of the world. The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets, so it's no secret that you shouldn't tell other people things that were told to you in confidence. Before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, however, you need to build trust. Be honest about yourself and your beliefs, and don't gossip about others or spread rumors or they will think you like stories better than friends.
     
   • Be there. You've probably heard of fair-weather friends. They're the ones who are happy to be around you when things are going well, but are nowhere to be found when you really need them. Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if he or she just needs a shoulder to cry on, be there.
     
   
   
7. Choose your friends wisely. As you befriend more people, you may find that some are easier to get along with than others. While you always give people the benefit of the doubt, sometimes you realize that certain friendships are unhealthy, such as if a person is obsessively needy or controlling towards you, constantly critical, or introducing dangers or threats into your life. If this is the case, ease your way out of the friendship as gracefully as possible. Preoccupy yourself with other things, such as a new volunteer opportunity, so that you can honestly say that you don't have enough time in your schedule to spend time with them (but don't substitute their time for time with other friends; they may notice and become jealous, and more drama will ensue). Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs.
   
8. Genuinely start listening to your friends. Everyone wants to feel important and loved. Even just nodding your head and showing emotion from what they are saying will help!
   

Tips

• You don't have to be a superstar to be fun. You don't even have to do cartwheels. You do need to be positive and friendly, however, so that people feel good when they're around you.
  
• From the very first conversation you have with someone, you should use body language to convey that you are affable, non-threatening, and approachable. Smile frequently, laugh often, and make eye contact. In your words, be confident, but don't be cocky, condescending, or mean-spirited.
  

Warnings

• Don't try to change yourself in order to fit in to make new friends. A good friend sometimes does things he or she doesn't want to do, such as helping a friend move or going to see a band that you don't really like, but you should never give into pressure to do something you think is wrong.
  
• Don't be untrue to your convictions and beliefs, and if this causes you to lose some friends, you're better off without them. You'll also find that your integrity may help you win better friends, and if you just "be yourself" you'll make friends who like you for who you are.
  
• Never leave old good-friends because you may like someone else more. This is a big, bad mistake. It's great to have different groups of friends, but if you abandon one group for another, you may soon find yourself without any friends at all.
  
• Be careful about getting together with or giving information to people that you've met, such as online. They might not be who they say they are.
  
• Don't try to buy friends by giving people gifts or money. While it's nice to give a friend a gift sometimes, if you go overboard, it's asking for trouble. A person who will "be your friend" without responding with little things in turn, when you buy him or her things, probably just likes the things you gave them--not you.
  
• You need to feel comfortable with who you're talking to. If you know the person you're talking to is making you feel uncomfortable tell them they're making you feel uncomfortable, and if they don't seem to respond to what you said, walk away.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Become Social
  
• How to Make Friends at a New School
  
• How to Have a Great Conversation
  
• How to Meet New People Without Being Creepy
  
• How to Talk to Someone You've Never Met
  
• How to Get Over Being Left Out
  
• How to Look Approachable
  
• How to Make Friends Easily if You're a Teen
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make Friends. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Meet New People Using Social People Search Engine Copenda.Com - wikiHow

How to Meet New People Using Social People Search Engine Copenda.Com

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

More and more people are using the web to meet new people and communicate with their friends. The main places people use to meet new friends or look for dating are social networks and online dating sites.
One of the major problems in meeting new people in social networks is that users need to scan and dive deeply into the profiles to initiate a connection for relationships or dating. Although many users use social networks for dating purposes, the social network user experience is not suited for this purpose. Online dating sites, on the other hand, are designed for this purpose but suffer from low status among the younger generation.

Steps

1. Go to www.copenda.com
   
2. Enter your preferences (man , women , age etc.)
   
3. Browse millions of social network profiles that meet your preferences
   
4. You can filter the search to only show profiles from your favorite social network
   
5. If you found someone intersting you can click on his/her profile and you will redirected to his/her social network profile page
   

Video

Tips

• Try to use the advanced search in order to add additional filter criteria's
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Meet New People Using Social People Search Engine Copenda.Com. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Meet New People Without Being Creepy - wikiHow

How to Meet New People Without Being Creepy

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Everybody knows that first impressions count. And if the first impression you're giving is on the creepy side, you're probably tired of being misunderstood. This article will go over what makes someone seem creepy, and how you can stop giving off that creepy vibe.

Steps

1. Understand the stereotype of a creep. To creep is to move slowly and quietly as if sneaking up on someone. A person who's creepy is someone who's perceived to be eerily quiet in some way, as if there's something behind the scenes that could surprise you in an unpleasant way. Think of a cult leader, serial killer, child molester, or stalker. They all have a dark side brewing that they keep tucked away until the right opportunity comes along. And if you're coming off as creepy, it means you're doing some of the things that strange people often do.
   
2. Commit to changing your behavior. Those of us who get classified as creeps are often just people who are unapologetically unique. It's easy to feel resentful towards people for labeling you as creepy just because you're not jumping through the same social hoops as everyone else. And this feeling might make you resistant towards changing your behavior. So before you proceed, you have to accept that people judge each other, and sometimes they're off, but that's the way it goes. That's what you have to work with. So don't assume that changing the way you act in order to change people's perception of you is somehow violating your pledge to be yourself. If anything, it increases the likelihood that people can get to know your true self, because you're not warding them off in your first conversation by acting like a sociopath.
   
   • There's an image presented in a lot of media, especially anime and video games, that being standoffish, mysterious, and quiet is "cool". In real life, however, it's more likely to come off as creepy.[1]
     
   • Don't feel that you need to change the way you look or dress. If you can change the way you interact with people, what you look like won't matter.
     
   
   
3. Become a good conversationalist. Awkward silences can very easily turn into creepiness. So can your babbling on and on about your mother, your cat, or your collection of bugs. A good conversationalist keeps finding things they have in common, and they do it in a casual, non-intrusive way. For example, there's a difference between asking someone "Have you ever held a tarantula?" and saying "Have you ever felt the tiny hairs of a tarantula's legs brush up against the palm of your hand?" The latter is more poetic, but way too intimate for a first conversation for most people (and this article presumes you want to learn how to deal with most people, not that tiny minority who's just as quirky and offbeat as you are and will most certainly appreciate your candor). Learn to start a conversation and keep it flowing in a fun, positive and casual way.
   
   • It's worth repeating that you should not go on and on about unique hobbies or interests unless the person shares them or asks a lot of questions. If they only ask a few questions, that doesn't necessarily mean they're interested; it probably means they're being polite, so don't dominate the conversation with your enthusiasm.
     
   
   
4. Let go of any neediness you might have. Neediness is a precursor to obsessiveness, and obsessiveness is creepy. Needy people are imbalanced and unstable people, because their happiness hinges too greatly on someone else. If you're projecting a vibe that you'll be devastated if a person doesn't want to be your friend or romantic partner, it's time slow down, be patient, and examine yourself. Read How to Stop Being Needy.
   
5. Respect boundaries. This is a key social skill that many mis-labeled creeps are sorely lacking. Think of any kind of relationship as a video game. You start off at the easiest level, and as time goes on and you improve, you go to more difficult levels and achieve a greater sense of satisfaction. When you first meet someone, you're on level 1, and you're not supposed to proceed to level 2 until you get past level 1, and so on. Creeps tend to accidentally skip to level 15. There are a variety of ways in which they do this:
   
   • Staring. Extended, direct eye contact is something lovers usually do. It's something you can do if the person you're talking to is noticeably romantically interested, but even then it's risky because the creep factor is high if you're mistaken. Look someone in the eye while they're talking, but also be sure to pull your gaze away periodically and shift your interest to other things. And check to make sure you don't have a tendency of staring at someone's body (chest, hands, shoes, whatever) even if in admiration or curiosity. In general, you don't want to make someone feel like they're under a microscope.
     
   • Asking personal questions. What's too personal? It depends. Your best bet is to pay attention to other people's conversations. Notice what people feel comfortable talking about when they first meet. See How to Come Up with Good Conversation Topics. Know which topics to steer clear of: romantic experiences, politics, religion, illness or disease, and anything dark like murder or death (this is not the time to explain how the sword you have on your wall was designed to pierce someone's intestines in a particular way).
     
   • Invitations. Don't invite someone into your basement, a cabin in the woods, a warehouse, or to any setting where horror movies often take place. If it's dark and isolated, it can easily become a creepy experience, and the creepy atmosphere might make you seem creepy, too. This kind of invitation also shows that you expect someone to trust you completely, which generally, they shouldn't (no matter how charming you might be; it's just not street smart). If you're going to extend an invitation, make it to a public place where there are plenty of people.
     
   
   
6. Pay attention to body language. Ultimately, everybody has different "standards" for creepiness. What's creepy to one person might be fascinating to another. The only way you can figure this out on a case-by-case basis is by paying attention to signals that a person's ready to go to the next level, or you're making them feel uncomfortable. And you need to do this without staring! For example, if someone is looking away a lot, or toward an exit, or they appear to be turning or edging away from you, it's probably a sign that they want to end the conversation. It'll take some practice and attentiveness, but once you get a grip on body language, you'll start to account for it subconsciously.
   

Tips

• Creeps are on both ends of the smiling spectrum. You can be creepy for not smiling enough, and you can be creepy for smiling too much. Find a happy medium.
  
• Have friends. Loners are much more likely to come off as creepy. And if you don't have friends because you come off as creepy, then follow these steps and also read How to Make Friends.
  
• Remember that humans are social creatures and instinctively want to meet new people. Just talk, and think to yourself: "What's the worst that can happen?"
  

Warnings

• There are some people who label anything different as weird and creepy. None of these steps will work with them because they're too shallow to appreciate individuality of any kind.
  
• Remember -- someone you perceive as 'creepy' could really have a disorder included in the autism spectrum. Individuals on the autism spectrum usually do not have eye contact, talk constantly about their favorite subjects, are unsure about space. Try to accept someone who is 'creepy' because in their world they are one heck of a person.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Make Friends
  
• How to Go from Introvert to Extrovert
  
• How to Have a Great Conversation
  
• How to Not Be Annoying
  
• How to Mingle With Strangers at Parties
  

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ http://www.wellcultured.com/questions-and-answers/157/how-not-to-be-creepy

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Meet New People Without Being Creepy. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.